Call me Misery
by Aviditty
Summary: Johanna Mason was an enigma and a tough nut to crack. A brash axe wielder with a heart of steel and attitude to match. Deep down she was hurting just like rest of us. Everyone has a story but hers is the one that tears at my heartstrings the most. Katniss/Johanna.


Author's notes:

Hello my loves~! I am so obsessed with the Hunger Games right now. Catching Fire has stole my heart away and I just want to reread all the books and relish in the sweet memories and feelings of falling in love all over again. I cannot get enough! Catching Fire has been my muse and my inspiration as of late. I've got a bunch of drabbles, one-shots and fanarts planned and I'm really looking forward to completing them all.

Johanna Mason will be the death of me, I swear. I loved her so much in the books but the movie made that love even stronger. (Same with Finnick ohmyword.) I don't know what it was but that movie just made my love for the characters so much stronger then it was before. Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, Johanna… My babies. All the allies really.

My one friend got me into shipping KatnissXJohanna. / Jonissssss. This is all your fault, miss Emma! We started an rp (Me as Katniss, her as Johanna of course~) and it all went downhill from there in a good way. So I've started shipping them hard, goodness~ They have so much chemistry in the movie especially, ohmygoshhh. As if I don't have three other ships I sail so hard lmao.

I hope you all like this~ 33 It's good to be back to writing things on here again.

~Aviditty

**Call me Misery**

A scream so high and probing, bloody murder was all it could be called. Piercing, and throbbing, it seemed to be etched into my veins – my very soul. I was cowering in a field, the grass tickling my cheeks as I clenched my head. The screams wouldn't stop. Prim. My dear, beloved sister was the very source of this painful serenade. It was killing me. I couldn't stop shaking; I couldn't move, or scream myself, only endure this torture. _Please stop, oh God, please…_

Just when I think it can't get any worse, my voice comes back. I'm able to scream and it pierces the dark clouds and my vision turns to black, I lose feeling in everything,

I sit up with a start, shaking, and shuddering as I regain consciousness. The world around me is spinning, and the light from the moon filters into my corneas like a beacon. I blink away the aching sleepiness, fear still engraved in my heart. For awhile I just sit there, brows furrowed as I try to still my beating heart. God, it felt so real. Prim….

I swallow hard and count the frantic beats of my heart as I try to calm down. One…two…three…heart palpitation. One…two…three…four…five…heart palpitation. It was as if I was counting the seconds in-between thunder and lighting while I waited for the storm to pass.

My heart eventually stills and I regain the perception of my surroundings. I'm fully awake now. It was just a dream. Just a dream… I let out a shaky breath and lean back against the tree knowing dang well that I won't be able to fall asleep again. My heart almost jumps out of my skin when I see eyes focusing on me from the tree opposite of me. Glinting in the dark, I focus on the shape and see a wary face, eyebrows furrowed as she takes in me. Johanna Mason.

I forgot she was on watch at this hour. She had volunteered right before we all fell asleep. How long has it been? Has she really been up this long? Maybe she couldn't sleep either.

I clear my throat. "Just had a nightmare." My voice cracks, hoarse as if I had been screaming in real life, not just in the dream. Perhaps I had been. I usually almost woke up screaming from my night terrors – Peeta usually hears the cries, though. My eyes momentarily flicker over to the sleeping tribute before turning my attention back to Johanna.

"Obviously." She replies flatly, digging her boot into the damp earth. "You looked like you were having a seizure."

I can only imaging the sight of me convulsing with nightmares.

Silence fills the air as we take in the night; the only thing that can be heard is the voices and cries of the jungle. It's a comforting song until I remember that this jungle is a figment of the capitol. A game board with the goal of our demise. Mine especially.

Her eyes are averted from mine as she trails circles in the murky jungle ground with a stick. Eventually she steals a glance at me again. "You know they would never hurt your sister, Katniss. The Jabberjays are just a capitol toy. That wasn't really her."

I swallow hard, feeling the sweat from my night terror glisten against my skin. Just the thought, the very picture of them, sends chills down my spine because I can't stop replaying that moment in my head. Over and over. I know she's right. If they had my sister holed up somewhere to be tortured there would be riots. But it didn't make the nightmares any easier.

Johanna had said that earlier to me. She had, in a way, comforted me during that horror scene that took place hours prior. Finnick and I….hearing the cries of our loved ones. Pure hell. It was like nothing I've experienced in these retched games.

"Must be hard," Her voice shoots through the darkness 'causing goosebumps to graze my skin. "To hear your loved ones like that. Like they're being tortured or killed. That cuts deep. Snow probably put them in the game on purpose." Her voice held certain anger directed at the name. There was something menacing about the way she revered him. Everyone in the districts held distaste towards President Snow but Johanna had pure loathing unlike anything I've ever seen.

Johanna's eyes glinted in the dark, staring straight ahead as if she was glaring daggers at the man himself. Eventually she unclenched her fists and her face became passive and cold. She let out a soft chuckle but it was more poignant then anything.

I remember what she said in the clearing that day after the Jabberjay attack. That the area wouldn't affect her because she had no one left that she loved. It cut me right through the heart. She had said it so nonchalantly as if it was something that didn't affect her, but deep down it did. I could see it in her eyes.

Even now I knew that's what she was thinking about – that vacant distant expression. Her pursed lips fit in a tight line. I wanted to ask about her past – about her loved ones and what she went through but the question fell on my tongue. I don't like being interrogated or asked questions and I know Johanna would be the same. The sassy, snarky, District 7 tribute would probably snap at me if I asked. Even still, I ended up tumbling out words before I could stop myself.

"Earlier you said there's no one left for you to love anymore." I run a hand through my messy locks. "What did you—"

She cuts right through me with an icy stare and spats, "What do you think that means, Katniss?"

They were killed. I know that without her telling me, yet I still felt like asking anyways. I knew it was a stupid question. A dumb move. Yet I still struck the ice, chipped deep within until I could see a bit of the dark ocean beneath, hidden like a treasure. Johanna was an enigma and I couldn't help but want to learn more about her, even if we weren't on the best of terms.

Silence filled the air, thickening and suffocating. I had crossed the line – jumped the gun and took a point of no return. I struck a nerve that I shouldn't have bothered to touch. I was about to open my mouth to apologize when Johanna's sigh severed the reticence. Even in the darkness her face was tense as she shifted through the memories – the agony was etched on her face. It was quiet for a few moments as she processed her thoughts – clearly painful and haunting. I was going to tell her to just stop, that I didn't want to know but then she started to speak.

"Consider yourself lucky," She muttered, her eyes focusing on me in the dark. "I don't usually pour my heart out like this. But you… You had the nerve to ask. Don't know whether to call you brave or brainless."

I was mute while I waited for her to start. I was a better listener than a talker anyways. Silence. Silence. Silence. It seemed to be hours until she unraveled everything before me.

"It was the 71st Hunger Games I was reaped into." It was a soft but firm whisper uttered from her lips. "They called my name and you thought the world would have ended. My family was devastated of course but there was nothing they could do. I was taken away and cast into training and the interviews faster then I could blink. It was nerve-racking, retched. I didn't doubt my skills. I knew I was good with an axe, more then good. I had confidence but that wasn't good enough. I needed a plan and so I formulated many strategies before the games."

I swallowed hard remembering how I didn't have one other than to stay alive. I would've even killed Peeta if it had come down to it. Nothing other than my survival mattered for the sake of my family. Even still…I honestly hadn't thought about what actions to take during the course of the games. I knew how Johanna had won from Haymitch telling us but hearing it from the lips of the victor made it all the more real.

"I took everything that made me – me, and reversed and twisted it into something that no one would expect. I played an act and milked it for all it was worth. You're familiar with that aren't you?" I nodded mutely and she continued without a passing glance. "I played a weak girl, someone you would pity and feel sorry for. I pretended I was starving; that I was weak and it worked. People felt sorry for me, they let me float on by. After awhile it just became so easy to me. It was perfect plan. They felt sorry for me and they let me drag along. I mean, c'mon. Why kill the weak girl first when you can save her for last?"

She was right. It was a devious and cunning plan but it worked. Sure, others had attempted it before, but nothing like Johanna had. She was a crowd favorite.

"Eventually there was only six of us," She continued, her haunting voice the only sound deep within the resonating jungle. "I killed them one by one. I just kept thinking of my family waiting for me back home and I just…" She stops and runs a hand through her messy locks. "They urged me on. I had to win for my family. It wasn't a matter of status or pride, no, just to survive. Eventually it was just me and a boy from District 2. I cracked open his skull, the cannon went off and I was crowned the winner. I was a capitol favorite. People were mad with joy, simply ecstatic and in awe at how the tables had turned. I was the sucker punch. I went back home and relished in the love from my friends and family. For a little while things went back to normal."

She let out a sigh, an angry shaky sigh knowing that the next part would be hard to tell. "But good things come to an end, they always do. And even if you win the Games you're never safe. You're not granted immunity, some godlike status, just because you won. I was dumb and naïve to think that. I was a fool." Her voice rose to an angry whisper, a hiss cutting through the darkness. It sent chills down my spine.

She balled her hands into fists and I'm sure if I could see clearly enough they would be bleached white. There was an expression of agony, of disgust on her face as she recalled the memories of her story. She looked so hurt, so upset. I wanted to reach out to touch her out of comfort but I just chewed on my lip and waited until she was ready to speak again. Her voice was a mocking tone now – so much loathing and disgust etched in.

"With fame comes a price. Snow visited my house one day and told me how much the Capitol adored me. How I was one of the favorite victors adored by all. He went on to say had offer for me. With a toothed grin he asked me, 'Johanna. There are thousands of people who love you, who would pay money to be with you. Would you like to sell your body to the Capitol?' He asked me if I wanted to be a prostitute."

Bile seeped in my throat and my head got dizzy as I wrapped my head around her words. Right then and there I swear I could feel Johanna's anger, hate, and disgust course through my very body. She shook her head and laughed angrily, mocking the very notion.

"I told him a few choice words after that. Every obscenity in the book was aimed at him. I said, 'I don't care how much money you'd pay me! I would never stoop so low. I'm not a whore, I'm not a slut, I have more dignity then people give me credit for, and I would never become the Capitol's sex slave!' Of course he tried to persuade me some more, stating that it was just sex,that it would give me all the fame and money in the world. He was angry and enraged that I would refuse such an offer. One last time I told him no and I told him to go fuck himself. He left and I thought my life would finally start to go back to normal, as normal as any victor can have anyways."

It was so eerily quiet as she paused. The night was completely mute as if it was listening to her recollections as well. Nothing but the sound of our breathing was apparent. It's as if time had stopped and the world was still. My heart hammered against my ribcage as she continues her tale.

"I went through the Victor's tour just as you and Peeta had. Told my family I loved them and then I was whisked away for a week. I had the victory party too, which was painful to say the least. All the Capitol drunks fawning over me." She paused and I waited with bated breath. "There was one man in particular who was heavily drunk. His voice was slurred as he grabbed me and kissed my lips with a loud smack. It was revolting. But then…he said something. He let something slip during his drunken convo. He expressed distaste over the fact that I wouldn't sleep with the Capitol people. He went on to slur, 'Jo-Johanna….Ohhhh…I'd pay all the money in the world. It's such a s-shame. Su-such a shameeee. President S-snowww…will make you pay. Mmm….you'll regret it, daaarlinggg.' I didn't think much of it at first, you know? I thought it was just a slap on the wrist. I was so stupid, so naïve, for thinking Snow would just let me go without a passing glance. I defied him and his offer. This wasn't over yet."

Johanna pauses for a long while. Her face is obscured by shadows and I can't make out the expression laced on her face. I think for a moment that she's absorbed in some horrible flashback until she speaks again, her voice filling the forest with venom.

"He killed them." It was like a knife sliced through my heart when she uttered the statement. She swallowed hard and a single tear rolled down her cheek but even still she didn't cry. "I came back home and found the remains of my family in the forest…they were out gathering lumber and he bombed the whole place. The forest, to this day, is still charred and withered, slowly growing back but the memories…the awful memories are still there. Those that didn't get bombed were taken by Peacekeepers and beaten to death. My friends were dragged away bloody and beaten the same day that my family perished in the forest. He made sure every last one of them died. He made me pay."

She bit down on her lip and clenched her fists grabbing a rock and throwing it up in one of the trees startling the sleepy birds nestled in. My heart ached and throbbed for the axe girl sitting before me. Her loved ones lives destroyed. Taken in the palm of President Snow's hand and crumbled beneath his power. Nothing could compare to that feeling. Nothing. My opinion of the District 7 victor has been changed forever. I would never look at her the same way again.

I couldn't form words to tell her exactly how I felt. How sorry I was. How I wished that never happened. But nothing would help and I know Johanna wouldn't want pity on her. That was the last thing she'd want. So instead I got up and sat beside the girl, attentively wrapping an arm around her in a comforting manner. I wasn't a touchy-feely kind of girl and neither was she but she accepted the act anyways. "I'm sorry," I whispered hoarsely, wishing I could just pour my heart out to the girl but I was never good with words. "I'm so sorry."

She's stiff in my arms looking straight ahead as if the flashbacks were overpowering her once again. Her lips were in a tight line and she says nothing while I console her. What could be said after she poured her heart out to me?

She might as well be a still doll, so terse and unmoving in my arms. I give her another squeeze and let my voice whisper against her ear; a sacred promise. "I will kill Snow, Johanna. I will make him pay. I promise you he will die a horrible death."

Her body relaxes slightly after this and the life has returned into her. She nods taking in my words as if it was blood promise and the Johanna I know comes back to the surface, so brash and blunt. "I hope that bastard burns in hell for everything he's done." She hisses.

I feel the same; no amount of words can show it. Snow has tarnished so many lives and shattered so many souls. It's about time he pays for it. For everything.

We sit in silence for a while, just the sound of our breathing apparent. I break the silence again and murmur, "Thanks for letting me in." It's corny but it's true. I feel like this has brought us closer and I feel like I understand her better now. She suffers and hurts just like anyone else, despite what her outward attitude may suggest. With that promise I vow to uphold I know things will get better from here on out.

She turns towards me, her eyes seem so tired after telling me the tale but she still gives me a smirk and nods. "Don't go all sappy on me, brainless."

"I won't."

She gets up and shakes her limbs from sitting for so long. She gives me an up and down glance and turns her back on me. "I'm gonna go get water or something. You should sleep though. I promise I won't kill you."

She was trying to lighten the mood and for that I was grateful. God knows I wouldn't get any sleep but I might as well try. I leaned back against a tree and watched her as she rummages around for the spile we were gifted earlier. She turns to leave before glancing at me, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something. I blink up at her in the darkness.

"There's no one left that I love. The Jabberyjays can't hurt me." She whispers, her breath drawing a soft mist in the inky black night. "But I think…if I did hear someone's voice it would be yours."

She leaves me with that and begins to walk away, no doubt getting her water but leaving me with a palpitating heart. I wanted to go after her but I just stayed lamely in place as the words sunk in. My heart wrenched as I watched her fade into the dark forest and I felt happy for the first time since we entered the arena. Johanna Mason, the axe girl from District 7; I would never look at her the same way again. I feel, if anything, this event brought us closer.

"I promise." I whispered into the night even though I knew she was too far away to hear me. "I won't ever let you down." I truly was a beacon of hope to everyone.


End file.
